Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Being a Supportive Wife

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Situation: Over the past year and half, I have lost about 75 pounds. My husband asked me if I would help him lose weight, too. At first I was more than happy to help him because he needs to lose at least 50 pounds.  Every chance I get, I try to tell him what he can and cant eat. And I am always trying to give him advice, even when he doesnt ask for it. Lately, he seems discouraged and not interested in losing weight. Am I doing something wrong?
Strategies: It is obvious that your husband  sees you as his weight- loss expert and has asked you to help him lose those 50 pounds. Its terrific that he is aware of his need to shed the excess weight, that he is taking appropriate action to do it, and that he is expanding  his resources to include you. You should feel great that he recognizes your success and has sought your counsel. A single request for advice, however, is not an open invitation. If you ask a personal  trainer to explain the correct way to do a crunch, you appreciate what he or she has to say, but you might get annoyed if she then gives you information about how to measure your heart rate, stretch your hamstrings, and adjust the seat on your stationary bike (this is an exaggeration to make the point). It seems sensible for you to talk to your husband about what type and how much advice he’d like you to provide. He may want you to help him make a selection from a menu when you’re eating out or suggest ideas for lunches when hes at the office. In general, advice is sought to get specific information about a specific issue. As your husbands weight-loss resource, you need to be clear about the problem or problems hes having and limit your advice to those areas—at least until he asks for more advice.

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